Photographs After a Suicide Loss

Collecting Photos: Asking Others to Share

One of the things that I did shortly after our son’s suicide was to ask people to share photographs of our son with us.  I was concerned that I would miss some part of his life and that as the years went by I would not remember details of his life.  Our loved ones lived a life where they shared their days with other family, friends and coworkers.  Those people likely have some photographs and the stories that go behind them that they can share with you.  It is a simple request that many folks will help you out with.  We were fortunate to receive many hundreds of photographs and even videos from family and friends. 

Preserving Your Digital Memories

Nowadays, most people have those photos on their phones in digital format and may lose them if they are not stored somewhere secure.  You should even digitize paper photographs at places like Staples so you have a digital copy that you can store.  Remember to store them someplace safe, away from your home and personal computer ( photos.google.com is one free place).  With the recent deaths by illness of my father and sister , I bought a photo scanner and I am in the process of scanning over 10,000 family photos from both sides of our families.  I have taken the time to sort out the old shoe boxes of photos and store them in a way that they are stored in boxes in a way that I can find them later.

When Photos Are Too Painful to Look At

It can also be terribly difficult to look at photographs of your loved ones right after a suicide.  It is easy for the tears to flow when you look back at the good memories captured by the camera.  We wish we could go back and relive those moments and share our love again in person, but unfortunately that is not possible.  Some people even put the photographs away in the early days since they can cause such pain.  Everyone is different and you need to do what works for you.

The Hole in Family Photographs

I was reminded about the power of photographs at a family function.  I was taking pictures at my mom’s 90th birthday party,  Even though she was in good health, I was thinking about how these may be some of the last photographs we will have of her with the family.  I took the time to try and capture her with each of the family members to make sure we all had memories we could share some day with our grandchildren.  In fact I took a couple of pictures of my parents surrounded by their grandchildren.  It was not until I got home and I was reviewing the photos before I shared them on Facebook that I noticed something.  I was checking to make sure that I liked how each of the grandchildren looked in the photos when I finally noticed that there was only one grandchild missing from the pictures, our son.

I stopped and thought about how in the early days after our son’s suicide it was so hard for us to be in family photos.  I always saw the “hole” that was left by our son’s absence.   I wanted to Photoshop him into the photographs so our family would look complete.   We avoided being in pictures in the early days.  I always thought we looked sad and that we would never find happiness again.  Family photographs are usually taken at “happy” family events and to be honest, we were rarely happy in the early days.  Suicide loss is so profound in the beginning that it can be impossible to believe that  you can survive the tragedy that you have been through.

Learning to Smile Again

But sixteen years into our journey, while I think about our son’s absence when looking at the pictures,  I am not paralyzed by the thoughts.  I smile and think to myself how he would have likely been standing behind one of his cousins or his grandfather and making “bunny ears”.    I can laugh in my heart.  While John is no longer physically present at these events, he is there in our hearts and thoughts.  I smiled as I pressed the submit button on Facebook and shared some happiness with everyone, even if there was a “hole” that I saw.  Someday our family will appreciate these photos as much as we did when people shared photos with us after our son died.

Hold On to the Good Memories

Hold on to the good memories, stories  and photographs you have of your loved ones.  Someday you will be taking them out and telling happy stories once again.   The pain softens with the years while the love continues to grow.

Other Posts You May Also Find Helpful:

• Saving Digital Footprints After a Suicide Loss – Extends the conversation about preserving memories by addressing social media accounts, text messages, and other digital traces that hold precious moments and conversations.
• Ritual and Remembrance – Explores meaningful ways to honor and remember the person you lost, including how photographs can be incorporated into rituals that keep their memory alive.
• Life After Loss: Honoring Our Stories and Our Loved Ones – Shares how telling stories and preserving memories—including through photographs, helps us honor those we’ve lost while building our own path forward.
• Time After a Suicide Loss – Addresses how our relationship with grief changes over time, including how what once was too painful (like looking at photographs) can eventually become a source of comfort and connection.