Not long ago, I opened a fortune cookie that read:
“If you don’t think about the future, you can’t have one.”
At the time, it struck me deeply. For many suicide loss survivors, it’s all too easy to become trapped in the past, replaying every conversation, every moment, every possible sign we think we missed. Our minds can loop endlessly through the “should haves,” “could haves,” and “what ifs.” The past becomes a place of both cherished memories and unbearable pain.
The truth is, we can’t rewrite what has happened, no matter how desperately we wish we could. But over time, those questions may begin to quiet. You’ll find that when they stop yielding new answers, they begin to lose their hold. This isn’t forgetting. It’s healing. And it happens gradually, with care and intention.
A vital step in that journey is learning to live in the present, not just getting through daily tasks, but truly being present in your life and in the lives of those around you. This might mean noticing moments of joy again, reconnecting with people you love, or exploring interests that once brought you fulfillment. At first, you may find yourself going through the motions. That’s okay. Even “faking it” can be part of finding your way back. In time, your heart begins to catch up, and you start to feel alive again.
Losing someone to suicide can feel like the end of the road. But it’s more like arriving at a fork in the path. The future hasn’t ended, it has simply changed course. You get to choose how you move forward. Your loved one will always be a part of you, carried in your memories and your heart. But you are still here, and your story is not over.
When we lost our son, I couldn’t imagine a future. I truly believed life had stopped. In reality, it was grief clouding my vision. Over time, that fog lifted. And I discovered that a new future had been waiting for me all along, one shaped by love, resilience, and a deeper appreciation for the preciousness of life.
If you’re not ready to think about the future yet, that’s okay. Just know it’s there, quietly waiting for you. When the time is right, take a small step toward it, and trust that healing is possible.
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Hindsight Bias: Healing the Pain of “Could Have Known” After Suicide Loss — If you find yourself trapped in the endless loop of “should have, could have, would have,” understanding hindsight bias can help you recognize why your mind replays the past and how to gently loosen its grip.
Something You Get Through: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss — Willie Nelson’s journey as a suicide loss survivor reminds us that we don’t get over loss, we get through it, and that hope can return even when it feels impossibly far away.
Day 2,922 of Our Journey: The Gift — A reflection on how the future I couldn’t imagine after losing our son became a life filled with meaning, compassion, and purpose. Proof that a new future is possible, even after unimaginable loss.
The Road to Healing: Finding Your Path Forward — When you’re standing at the fork in the road that suicide loss creates, this post explores how to begin taking steps toward a future you never planned for but can still shape.
Moving Beyond Guilt: A Path Toward Healing After Suicide Loss — The questions that keep us stuck in the past are often fueled by guilt. Learning to separate guilt from responsibility can free you to look toward the future with greater peace.
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