Spring is finally here, the flowers are pushing up out of the ground and summer is knocking on the door. This time of year is filled with barbecues, graduation parties and coming up next week, Father’s Day. When you have been through a suicide loss, these days and events can be painful as survivors struggle to find meaning and priorities in their lives after they have lost someone close to them.
What is Father’s Day when you no longer have a living dad? What is Father’s Day when you have lost a child? They are calls to remember people and moments in our lives that were hopefully better times. Not everyone lives a storybook life, and those memories can also be of difficult times with loved ones who were struggling with mental health issues. Father’s Day is upon us this weekend and we have choices about how we chose to deal with it.
You can’t avoid it, whether it is seeing Father’s Day cards in all the stores, or people joyfully talking about what they are doing for these upcoming events. It is not uncommon for survivors to feel jealous or even angry at those who have not been through a suicide loss. “Why my family” is a common thought.
Like I have said in the past, one piece of advice someone gave us early in our journey was to take control of the event and not let it take control of you. It is easy to let dread and worry take control of your thoughts in advance of those difficult days. Sometimes just making simple plans that you can always change at the last minute is a safe way to take some of the anxiety away. Trying to do the same thing you did when your loved one was around can often be difficult, their absence is hard to avoid. Try to avoid letting people tell you what you “need”, tell them what you want. If you’re not sure about what you want, let them know that.
You need to do what you feel will help you find some peace and solace that day. Sometimes something like a walk in the park, a picnic or just gathering for a religious service on a weekend is a way to honor those we have lost and can not be with us. Talk to those around you about how you feel so you can find something that works for everyone.
I also suggest having a Plan B, and maybe even a Plan C. Plan B is what you fall back to when your initial bigger plans for the day prove too emotional or difficult to face. Plan B is doing something simple that helps you find inner peace. Maybe it is going to get a chocolate donut, maybe it is going for a quiet walk, maybe it is going to a movie. Sometimes the best laid plans are just too much and instead of feeling like you have failed yourself or others, you just switch to Plan B.
I would like to wish people a peaceful Father’s Day. Take control of the day and don’t let the day take control of you. Find peace wherever you can.
Here is a collection of articles about dealing with Holidays:
Here are some articles about Father’s Day and Suicide:
- https://www.oursideofsuicide.com/2015/06/21/celebrating-fathers-day-without-dad/
- https://www.oursideofsuicide.com/2014/06/15/fathers-day-after-dad-died/
- https://themighty.com/2016/07/fathers-day-after-losing-a-father-to-suicide/
- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/grieving-the-loss-of-a-child_b_3438087
Other Posts You May Also Like
Finding Your Way Through the Holidays: A Guide for Survivors of Suicide Loss — Comprehensive strategies for navigating Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other major holidays, including the Plan B approach discussed here.
Navigating Halloween After Suicide Loss — Another difficult day with its own unique triggers, and practical suggestions for getting through it on your terms.
Navigating Holiday Greetings — When “Happy Father’s Day” feels impossible to hear or say, understanding why holiday greetings are painful and how to respond.
When the World Keeps Turning: Navigating Social Connections After Suicide Loss — Understanding the jealousy and isolation you may feel when others celebrate intact families on days like Father’s Day.
Time After Loss: Finding Your Way Forward — How time works differently after suicide loss, and making choices about how to spend difficult days like Father’s Day.
Leave a Reply