Healing is a journey of a thousand steps forward and numerous slides backwards. It is not linear, it comes in fits and starts, stumbles and gaps. It is often very difficult for a suicide loss survivor to see that they are making progress on their journey of healing following the suicide loss.
You are not responsible for the tragic loss that you have been through, but you are responsible for picking yourself up after the tragedy and pointing yourself towards healing. Time does not heal all wounds; it only allows you the ability to take the actions to help heal your wounds by your proactive steps towards healing.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
1. Am I allowing myself to feel the full range of emotions that come with this loss?
Grief after suicide loss can bring emotions that feel overwhelming, confusing, or even contradictory, sadness, anger, guilt, relief, longing, or numbness. Many survivors feel pressure to “hold it together” or push emotions aside. But allowing yourself to feel what comes naturally, even when it’s painful, is part of the healing process.
You are not “doing grief wrong” if your emotions come in waves or shift unexpectedly. Giving yourself permission to feel what is present, without judgment, helps to release some of the weight you carry. Each emotion, no matter how raw, is a step toward healing.
2. Do I still blame myself for what happened, or am I finding ways to release that guilt?
Survivors often feel responsible, replaying conversations and moments leading up to their loved one’s death. This hindsight guilt is a heavy burden, but it is important to remember: suicide is the result of deep, complex pain within the person who died, not a reflection of your failures.
Learning to release self-blame does not happen all at once. It often takes time, compassion, and reminders that you acted with the knowledge and love you had in the moment. Acknowledging that you could not control the outcome is a powerful step in lessening guilt’s hold on your heart. While you may feel guilty, you are not responsible for their suicide.
3. Have I found ways to stay connected to my loved one while still moving forward?
Many survivors worry that “moving on” means forgetting the person they lost. In reality, healing often means learning to carry their memory in new and meaningful ways, through stories, traditions, rituals, or small everyday reminders. These connections help keep their love present while you continue your own journey.
Holding onto love and memories while also finding space for growth is not a contradiction, it’s balance. You are allowed to honor the person you lost while also allowing yourself to live fully. Both can exist together in your healing.
4. Am I caring for my physical and emotional well-being?
Grief is not just emotional; it affects the body too. Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, fatigue, and tension are common. Neglecting your body’s needs can deepen the strain you feel emotionally. Small acts of self-care, rest, movement, nutritious food, or simply moments of quiet, can be grounding when grief feels chaotic.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is a way of honoring both your own life and your loved one’s memory. Healing becomes gentler when your mind and body are supported with kindness.
5. Have I sought out support, or am I carrying this burden alone?
Suicide loss often feels isolating, as friends and family may not fully understand your pain. Survivors benefit greatly from connecting with others who have lived through similar losses, support groups, therapy, or safe spaces where you can speak openly.
Sharing your story with those who understand helps dissolve the silence and reduces feelings of being alone in this journey. Accepting support is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of courage and an act of healing.
6. Am I noticing moments of peace, hope, or even joy again?
In the depths of grief, it can feel impossible to imagine experiencing lightness or happiness. Yet healing often brings surprising moments of peace, a shared laugh, a sense of calm, a sunrise that feels comforting. These moments do not erase your loss, but they show your heart’s ability to grow around it.
Allowing yourself to feel joy does not mean you are leaving the person you lost behind. It is a sign that peace and loss can coexist, and that your spirit is finding ways to breathe again.
7. Do I feel that I’ve begun to acknowledge the reality of the loss?
Acknowledgement does not mean agreeing with or approving of what happened, it means acknowledging that this painful reality is part of your life story. It is often one of the hardest parts of grief, as the heart resists what feels unbearable.
Over time, many survivors find that acknowledgement comes in layers. It is not a single moment of clarity, but rather small recognitions of truth that help you find steadier ground. Acknowledgement gives you space to live forward without losing the love that remains.
8. Am I beginning to imagine a future for myself that includes healing and growth?
After suicide loss, the future can feel blank or frightening, as though nothing good could come again. Yet healing involves slowly rebuilding hope and imagining what your life might hold, even with the scar of loss.
This does not mean forgetting or replacing your loved one. It means allowing yourself to grow roots in new places, whether through relationships, passions, service, or simply quiet strength. Believing in your own future is one of the deepest ways you honor your loved one’s life as well as your own.
The Healing Journey Continues
Take the time to work on your healing. Take the time to invest in yourself and your future. There is hope and there is healing after a suicide loss. You just need to work towards it.
Other Posts You May Also Find Helpful
- Moving Beyond Guilt: A Path Toward Healing – Understanding the difference between guilt and responsibility, and learning to release the burden of self-blame.
- Self-Care After Suicide Loss – Practical guidance for caring for your physical and emotional wellbeing during the grief journey.
- Finding Your People: The Healing Power of Support Groups – Why connecting with others who understand your loss is crucial for healing, and how to find support.
- What Does Healing Look Like – Understanding that healing is not linear and recognizing the progress you’re making even when you can’t see it.
Leave a Reply