The Longest Day of Light, The Darkest Day of Our Lives
The summer solstice, June 20th this year, marks the longest day of light, with over 15 hours of sunshine. And yet, for many survivors of suicide loss, the longest and darkest day of our lives was the day we lost our loved one. That day may have felt endless in its grief and confusion, with very little light to be found. It’s a painful paradox: even in the brightest seasons, our hearts can feel wrapped in shadow. If you’ve found yourself stuck in that darkness, please know that you are not alone, and there is light still present, even if it takes time to notice it again.
The Loops of “Could Have, Should Have, Would Have”
After a suicide loss, it’s incredibly common to get caught in the loops of “could have,” “should have,” and “would have.” Our hearts naturally want answers, closure, someone or something to blame. But that search, while deeply human, can turn inward and harsh, blocking the very healing we long for. Many survivors eventually find that the path toward healing begins not with answers, but with forgiveness, for ourselves, for the loved one we lost, and even for others who may have failed to understand our pain. This is not about forgetting or excusing, but rather about gently loosening the grip that blame and guilt can hold over us.
Small Steps Toward the Light
As the days now slowly shorten, this season offers an invitation to take small, hopeful steps toward the light again. You don’t need to make big changes or pretend everything is okay. Maybe it’s a quiet evening walk, a cup of tea with a friend, or simply allowing yourself a moment to smile without guilt. Healing happens gradually, and it’s led by you. The loss you experienced was a turning point, but your journey from here is your own. Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting go of love, it means making space for peace to grow alongside the pain. And even on the hardest days, a little sunshine can still break through.
A Thousand Little Steps You Direct
The road ahead is uncharted, but you get to decide how and where you want to go on this journey. Our loved one’s death was a fork in the road. The road towards healing comes in a thousand little steps and they are each directed by you and not them.
Moving Past Blame and Anger
The one step many people struggle with on their journey of healing is getting past the blame, anger and move on to healing. I have spoken before that there is a time to forgive yourselves, forgive your loved one who died and forgive all of those around you. We often hold unfair and unrealistic goals for ourselves and others. We are not superheroes. We can only do what we did with the limited knowledge we had at the time. Hindsight bias often makes us see things that were invisible to the mere mortal.
Marion Waterston’s Journey: Two Losses, One Path to Forgiveness
I came across the following poem by Marion Waterston who survived the loss of two members of her family to suicide- her husband, Richard, a psychiatrist, forty-seven years of age, and her son Mark, a college student, nineteen years of age. I think it does a good job touching on the subject of forgiveness and healing.
A Poem on Forgiveness and Healing
Forgiveness
By Marion Waterston January 31, 2005
I guess I’ll never know
All I want to know
Or understand
What can’t be understood
But I believe it’s time to forgive
Time to forgive you for leaving me
So abruptly and so painfully
And time to forgive myself
For talks we didn’t have
Laughs we didn’t share
Songs we didn’t sing
Foolishly I thought that time was on our side
Can it be that time now wishes to atone for this betrayal
For tears no longer flow like endless rivers
Anger seems a wasted emotion
And dreams those dreaded night-time visitors
Can come as friends
Once again I smile at the innocence of children
The unabashed warmth of lovers
The enthusiastic affection of dogs
And although I do not see you my precious love
You are with me
So I guess I’ll never know
All I want to know
Or understand
What can’t be understood
But here in this quiet moment
It’s time and I’m ready
To forgive
Other Posts You May Also Find Helpful:
- Moving Beyond Guilt: A Path Toward Healing After Suicide Loss – Explores the guilt that makes forgiveness so difficult, helping you understand why you feel stuck in blame and how to begin releasing it.
- Hindsight Bias: Healing the Pain of “Could Have Known” After Suicide Loss – Addresses the “should have, could have, would have” loops mentioned in this post, explaining why hindsight makes things seem obvious that were actually invisible at the time.
- Facing the Summer with Patience – Complements this solstice-themed post by exploring summer’s unique challenges and the patience needed as you take those small steps toward the light.
- The Road to Healing: Finding Your Path Forward – Expands on the concept that your healing journey is directed by you through thousands of small steps, offering guidance for finding your own path.
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