The Power of Music to Express What We Feel
Sometimes a songwriter captures a feeling that just touches your soul. For those of you who do not know him, Jelly Roll is a songwriter who has had his share of struggles and difficult moments in his life. His song, “I’m Not Okay” captures how I felt in the after our son’s death by suicide and the journey I have been on since that unfortunate day.
I truly was “Not Okay”. I wanted my son back, I wanted my old life, I wanted to shed the massive burden of pain I felt. I wanted the guilt, anger, and confusion to go away. That would have been Okay.
My world had been turned upside down and I could not see that there was a future. Even with friends and family all around me trying to support me, I felt lost and hollow inside. In many ways it was impossible to see outside of the cloud of grief that had descended on me. I put on the mask when I was talking to others, because I was sure that no one could possibly understand the pain and loss I felt. I went back to work, and I did my best to make it from day to day. I was “Not Okay”.
I felt like I was barely holding on. I was not sleeping, and for many days I was in a daze, just lost in my thoughts.
Finding My People: The Support Group That Changed Everything
It truly was a strange feeling when I went to my first suicide loss support group meeting. Suddenly there were people who did understand the hole in my life and the hole in my heart. It was not a pity party; it was a group of people who all were trying to figure out which end was up and how to take the baby steps we needed to make following our respective losses.
I also learned something far more important than just how to cope from day to day, I learned how to survive and how to thrive. I saw that while it was “Not Okay”, there was a reason to believe that “it was going to be alright”.
Learning What “Alright” Really Means
Alright is a strange word, it does not mean perfect, it does not mean fixed. It means that you will survive, and you will figure your way through the maze of grief and pain that follows a suicide loss. I could not change what had happened to my life, I could not stop the suicide after it happened, but I could figure out a future road for my life. That was something I had to do.
The Gift of Time and Patience
Meeting people like the former facilitator, Alan, who was twenty years past the loss of his son, taught me that there was hope to believe that I could find some new meaning in life. I learned that my life was not defined by my son’s suicide, it was just one dimension to it. I was so much more, and I learned that there was a future to strive for. The support group taught me that alright meant that I would have to take my time, have patience, have hope, seek understanding, and find peace with my heart and my loss. It also meant that there are some things I couldn’t fix and there are some things I had to learn to carry in my pocket instead of staring at it all day and night.
A Message to Those Who Are Not Okay
So, if you ask me today how I am doing, I agree with the chorus of the song “I am Not Okay, But It’s All Gonna Be Alright”. If I have learned anything over the last sixteen years of talking with suicide loss survivors, it is that if you give yourself some time, patience and look for healing, that “We’re All Gonna be Alright”.
I am not okay
I’m barely getting by
I’m losing track of days
And losing sleep at night
I am not okay
I’m hanging on the rails
So if I say I’m fine
Just know I learned to hide it well
I know, I can’t be the only one
Who’s holding on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it’s all said and done
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright
It’s not okay
But we’re all gonna be alright
Other Posts You May Also Find Helpful:
- Finding Your People: The Healing Power of Suicide Loss Support Groups – Explores how support groups provide the understanding, connection, and hope that helped transform grief from simply surviving to learning to thrive.
- Something You Get Through: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss – Addresses how healing is not about becoming “okay” or returning to who you were, but about learning to carry your grief while moving forward into a new life.
- Healing Is a Journey and Not a Destination – Reminds us that healing takes time and patience, and that the path forward is made up of small steps, not giant leaps.
- What Does Healing Look Like? – Explores what “alright” really means in the context of suicide loss—not fixed or perfect, but learning to live with grief while finding moments of peace and meaning.
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