The simple phrase “Happy Thanksgiving” can feel like a sharp reminder of everything that’s changed since your person died by suicide. Those two words, “happy” and “thanksgiving,” can seem impossibly distant from where you are in your grief journey. In those early days, weeks, and months after loss, happiness feels like a foreign concept, crowded out by the constant presence of your grief and the painful reality of what happened. Thanksgiving itself can feel like a cruel irony when gratitude seems impossible and the holiday traditions that once brought joy now highlight the empty chair at the table. You’re not alone in finding these well-meaning seasonal greetings painful. Many survivors describe how holiday phrases that others say automatically can feel like they’re being asked to pretend everything is okay when nothing feels okay at all.
When holidays magnify grief
The intensity of holiday seasons can magnify every aspect of grief. Major holidays that celebrate family togetherness, gratitude, and joy can feel particularly cruel when you’re navigating life after suicide loss. The cultural expectation that everyone should be happy and festive during this time can make your very real grief feel even more isolating. You might find yourself surrounded by holiday cheer while feeling completely disconnected from it all, longing for the past and the person who should be there celebrating with you. These feelings are valid and understandable. The dissonance between the joyful world around you and the sorrow you carry inside can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to acknowledge that the holidays are simply harder now.
Finding your new normal
As you move through your grief journey, there will come a time (different for everyone) when you might begin to notice your “new normal” taking shape. This doesn’t mean forgetting your person or the pain of how they died. Rather, it’s about gradually recognizing that alongside your grief, other parts of life still exist. You might find yourself able to acknowledge people in your life who still matter, small moments of connection, or even just the relief of making it through another day. Being thankful for anything after suicide loss isn’t about denying your grief or pretending the loss didn’t happen. It’s simply recognizing that grief and gratitude can somehow coexist. Your life has been forever changed, but within that changed life, there are still meaningful moments to be found. Some survivors find comfort in rituals that honor their person, like creating a remembrance jar that acknowledges both grief and gratitude.
The gradual journey toward hope
The journey from feeling like there’s no future to actually being able to envision one happens gradually, through a series of small shifts that you might not even notice as they’re occurring. You move from being completely consumed by the loss, to just trying to survive each day, to eventually (when you’re ready) beginning to make small plans again. These pivotal moments aren’t about “getting over” your loss or leaving your person behind. Instead, they’re about discovering that you can carry your grief and love for them while still moving forward. The person you lost remains part of who you are, woven into your story even as you continue writing new chapters. Happiness and thankfulness do return in time, though they look different than they did before. Your feelings about your person and the tragedy of their death don’t diminish. Rather, you develop a greater capacity to hold both the sorrow and the hope for your future simultaneously.
Getting through the holidays with compassion
As you face the upcoming holidays, remember to be extraordinarily kind to yourself. You don’t have to meet anyone else’s expectations for how you should feel or what you should do. Each holiday is only 24 hours, and you have permission to get through it in whatever way works for you, whether that means keeping traditions, creating entirely new ones, or simply surviving the day in the quietest way possible. For practical coping strategies, visit the SOS Madison website. Healing doesn’t follow a timeline, and there’s no “right” way to navigate holidays after loss. What matters is honoring where you are right now while trusting that, in time, the weight of these days will shift. You’re on a difficult journey, but you don’t walk it alone. With patience, compassion for yourself, and the support of others who understand, you will find your way through (not around) the grief, and discover that it’s possible to carry both the memory of your person and hope for your own future forward together.
Other Posts You May Also Find Helpful
- Finding Your Way Through the Holidays: A Guide for Survivors of Suicide Loss – Comprehensive guidance for navigating Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays with practical strategies and permission to grieve on your own terms.
- Navigating Halloween After Suicide Loss – Managing another difficult holiday with death-themed imagery and celebrations that can feel triggering after losing someone to suicide.
- Father’s Day and Suicide Loss – Surviving other emotionally charged holidays and special days throughout the year after loss.
- Changing the Old Normal and Exploring New Roads – Understanding how your life changes after suicide loss and beginning to imagine a path forward that honors both grief and growth.
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