After losing someone to suicide, time becomes something we can no longer take for granted. Days blur together, yet certain moments feel frozen in place. The clocks change, the seasons shift, but grief after suicide loss doesn’t follow anyone else’s timeline. If you’re struggling with how to move forward while carrying the weight of your loss, please know you’re not alone. This post explores how to navigate time after suicide loss and find your own path forward, one that honors both your grief and your need to keep living. For those grieving after suicide loss, understanding how time affects healing can help you be more patient with yourself.
The Weight of Turning Back Time
This past weekend we took part in the annual ritual of turning our clocks back an hour. In theory we should have gotten another hour of sleep, but for those of us who’ve lost someone to suicide, time has never been quite that simple. As we approach the holidays, our thoughts often circle back to the person we lost, replaying moments and conversations in our minds. So many of us would give anything to turn back time to before they died, to talk with them one more time, to let them know how deeply we cared, to say the things we wish we’d said. The constant stream of “should have,” “could have,” and “would have” thoughts can feel relentless, flowing through our minds like an endless loop of what-ifs and if-onlys.
When Time Splits in Two
Time itself becomes something almost unrecognizable after suicide loss. Most of us instinctively divide our lives into two distinct periods: the time before the loss and the time after. It’s as if their death created a dividing line that split our world in two. While it’s natural and important to hold onto the precious memories from before (those moments that remind us of who they were and how much they meant to us), we also face the daunting task of figuring out what to do with the time that stretches out before us now. This time of year makes it particularly easy to retreat and hide. When the sun sets before 5 PM and darkness comes so early, who really wants to go out and face the world? The shorter days can mirror the heaviness we carry inside, making it tempting to withdraw from life altogether.
Time Distortion After Loss
Many survivors describe experiencing time in ways that feel almost surreal after losing someone to suicide. Minutes can feel like hours when you’re sitting with overwhelming emotions, yet entire weeks might vanish in what seems like the blink of an eye. You might find yourself unable to remember what you did yesterday, while a conversation from five years ago plays in your mind with perfect clarity. Some survivors report feeling like they’re moving in slow motion while the rest of the world rushes past them at normal speed. Others describe the opposite experience, feeling rushed and pressured while everyone around them seems calm and patient. These distortions in how we perceive and experience time are completely normal responses to trauma and grief. Your internal clock has been disrupted by loss, and it takes time (ironically) for that sense of normal rhythm to return.
Recognizing the Preciousness of Now
Yet one of the first steps toward healing is recognizing just how precious time is now, not in a way that pressures us, but in a way that gently reminds us that we still have choices to make about the path in front of us. I remember thinking my own life had ended after our son died by suicide, feeling like I had very little left to live for. Grief has a way of clouding our thoughts and narrowing our vision until we can’t see past the pain. But even in the fog of grief, the truth remains: there is still a lot to live for, and there are meaningful ways to spend our time. The path we’re walking isn’t defined solely by their death. It’s being shaped by what we choose to do in the aftermath of their suicide. How we use our time going forward becomes part of our own story of survival and resilience.
Moving Into the Weeks Ahead
As we head toward the end of this year, I encourage you to think about what you might want to accomplish in the next two months. These don’t need to be grand gestures or impossible goals. Instead, consider what would feel meaningful and manageable for you right now.
Maybe it’s reaching out to one person who understands your loss. Perhaps it’s finding a support group, either in person or online, where you can share your story with others who truly get it. It might be as simple as committing to a short daily walk, creating a small memorial space in your home, or setting aside time each week to look through photographs and remember the person you lost.
You might want to explore a new way of honoring their memory, like volunteering for a cause they cared about, learning something they were passionate about, or starting a creative project in their honor. Or maybe your goal is simply to be gentle with yourself, to practice saying no when you need to, and to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment.
Some survivors find it helpful to write down one or two small intentions for each month, not as rigid requirements but as gentle guideposts. Others prefer to take each day as it comes, making choices in the moment based on what feels right. There’s no wrong approach. The most important thing to remember is that these are your choices to make. Don’t let others dictate what your grief journey should look like or tell you what you need to do. The steps you take forward come from your own heart, in your own time.
Common Questions About Time and Healing After Suicide Loss
How long does grief last after suicide loss?
Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and healing from suicide loss isn’t about “getting over it” or returning to who you were before. Most survivors find that the intensity of grief changes over time, becoming less overwhelming and more integrated into their lives. You’ll always carry the loss, but it won’t always feel as heavy as it does now.
Is it normal to feel stuck in time after losing someone to suicide?
Yes, this is completely normal. Many survivors describe feeling frozen at the moment of loss or unable to imagine a future without the person they lost. This sense of being stuck often shifts gradually as you find ways to honor both your grief and your need to keep living. Be patient with yourself as this unfolds.
How can I move forward without leaving them behind?
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving your person behind. It means learning to carry their memory with you as you continue living. You can honor them through how you live, the choices you make, and the ways you share their impact on your life. They remain part of your story even as you write new chapters.
Why does time feel so different after suicide loss?
Trauma and grief affect how our brains process time. The shock of sudden loss, combined with the ongoing pain of grief, can make time feel distorted, slowed down, or sped up. This is your mind’s way of trying to cope with something overwhelming. As healing progresses, your sense of time typically becomes more stable again.
Other Posts You May Also Like
- Moving Beyond Guilt: A Path Toward Healing After Suicide Loss – Explores the “should have, could have, would have” thoughts that are mentioned in this post, offering specific guidance on working through guilt and self-blame.
- Changing the Old Normal and Exploring New Roads – Addresses how to navigate the “before and after” divide that splits our lives following suicide loss and finding a path forward in the time after loss.
- What Does Healing Look Like – Provides perspective on what healing means for suicide loss survivors, connecting to the theme that healing unfolds gradually in your own way and time.
- The Road to Healing: Finding Your Path Forward – Complements this post’s message about taking small, meaningful steps and making choices about how to spend your time as you move forward.
- Finding Your Way Through the Holidays: A Guide for Survivors of Suicide Loss – Directly relevant as this post mentions approaching the holidays and provides specific strategies for navigating this challenging season.
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